Watch the full training HERE.

As he proposed last week, my FIANCÉ Patrick (that’s so fun to say!) gave me a lab coat along with the ring. 

I was so confused and then he said, “We started our relationship as research partners and now we’re going to embark on new research: Marriage!”

I laughed… and thought… he’s right!

Relationships enable us to do real and necessary research to learn more about ourselves and improve our relational skills.

When we’re able to be clear about what works well and where we have default patterns that it would be a good idea to shift, that’s when the real magic happens!

Here’s what to keep in mind should you want to embark on your own relationship research…

1. A research mindset fosters curiosity and keeps you on your growing edge together as a team.

How you show up and what occurs in a relationship is material for your own growth and self-knowledge. You can form a hypothesis and test it by creating a research container with another person. 

There’s also lots of play and growth that can happen in your relationships when you learn to approach them as research. 

2. Set a length of time and pick a specific focus for the research. Keep the topic specific and measurable.

Keep it simple, don’t make the topic of the research too big.

We created a research project when we noticed that we kept clashing around travel days, getting into stress and conflict as we were preparing to travel. 

We’d pick a variable and research it:

  • What happens if we get up earlier and allow ourselves more time? 
  • What happens if we pack the night before instead of cramming it in an hour before we’re supposed to leave? 
  • What happens if we catch when one or the other of us is beginning to stress out and offer help there instead of judging?

3. A research focus helps keep your head out of the clouds and helps keep your attention on what’s actually happening in you and between you.

Otherwise it’s easy for your partner to become like a part of the furniture while you turn your attention to new areas of your life in which you want to grow.

4. Pro tip: Make sure you open and close your container deliberately and debrief with each other what you’re learning.

Make sure you open the container deliberately on the date you decide to start. And then close the container deliberately by debriefing your discoveries.

Always debrief with each other because both of you may have discovered different things through the research. 

Watch the full training with Patrick and me HERE.

The relationship you desire is possible! If you’re partnered, click HERE to discover what missing pieces are stopping you from having the connection and passion you desire.

If you’re single and/or dating, click HERE to to take an honest look at where you are now and where you need to grow in order to attract the love you want.