Watch the full training HERE.

It’s no secret that a passionate physical relationship is key to a happy and healthy relationship over time. But it can be hard to keep the spark alive, right? 

When you’re buried in logistics, and life is moving fast, and you’re handling all sorts of things, it can be really hard to keep that physical relationship front and center the way it was when the hormones were raging, and you were just getting to know one another and everything was new. 

These tips are simple but effective, and they help to breathe new life into your connection. 

1: Prime yourself

Transitions can be hard. And when we are busy working, raising kids (if we have kids), handling projects, it can be hard to turn on a dime and suddenly be in the sensual and sexual side of our being. 

So it’s really important to prime yourself to desire intimacy, both emotional and physical. Examples of priming yourself: 

  • Putting on music that makes you feel sensual and dancing. Getting into your body
  • Exercising to burn off extra excess stress
  • Sitting down with a cup of tea and reading a book
  • Taking a bath
  • Watching porn or masturbating. 

Whatever the method, the idea is that you get yourself out of your regular headspace that you function in during the day, and you get yourself into your body. 

I recommend you do this with yourself and for yourself. It’s going to make connecting with your partner easier (or partners if you have more than one). 

2: Cultivate emotional intimacy 

Physical intimacy in a long term relationship is driven by different drivers than intimacy at the beginning of a new relationship. So when you first get with somebody, you’re hot for each other, there’s all this charge, and that tends to drive your arousal and receptivity.

 Over time, as the love deepens and the relationship matures, the stronger driver becomes emotional intimacy. So step two is all about cultivating emotional intimacy. 

  • If there’s anything you’ve been withholding, and not telling your partner, tell them
  • If  you’ve not been actively and openly appreciating your partner, appreciate them to their face. 
  • If you’ve been hiding something about what’s going on with you, share it.
  • If there are resentments, clear them. Resentment is a desire-killer.

The more emotional intimacy you cultivate in the relationship, the stronger desire you’ll have for physical intimacy.

3: Create an intimacy plan

At the beginning of the relationship, you just drop everything and do it because the energy is hot. 

But as a relationship becomes more long term, and you have to manage a whole household together, you’ve got to start deliberately creating space for intimate time.

It doesn’t sound sexy, I know. Spontaneity, in theory, is so much more fun. 

And that’s great, be spontaneous when you can be spontaneous. But don’t wait to be spontaneous, because you may wait a long time. 

Build time into your calendar each week for intimacy. Notice I say intimacy, not specifically sex, because during that intimate time, you might need to begin with conversation before you proceed to any physical connection.

4: Diversify your intimacy portfolio

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship, don’t just default to intercourse because it’s not the only way to be intimate and for most women P in the V doesn’t actually bring you to climax. 

Most women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax, so having a variety of ways to connect sensually and sexually creates more pleasure for both partners and more desire to do it again!

Have your  intimate time explore the  entire spectrum of arousal and take the goal-oriented focus around intercourse off of it. 

The space of arousal is so delicious, wide ranging, interesting, and different. And this is where intimacy time can become fun, interesting, and different every time. 

You may climax and you may not, but that’s not the arbiter of a successful intimacy play session. With a more relaxed and open focus, it becomes much easier to have your physical connection stay passionate over time. 

5: Stay curious

Ask each other questions. 

We tend to default to the things we know have worked before, but our bodies change over time. New desires may show up and other parts of our body may suddenly become more erogenous than they were before. 

If you’re not asking each other questions, you don’t get to learn new things. 

Examples of questions that you could ask:

  • What part of your body feels like being touched right now? 
  • What kind of touch would feel best to you right now? 
  • Sensation: Would you like a soft touch? Would you like more pressure like a massage? Would you like something more stinging like a slap? Would you like something more sharp, like nails?
  • Is there something new you’d like to try? 
  • Is there something that you’re curious about? 
  • Do you have any hard boundaries? 
  • Is there anything you’re a hard no to? 

Play with sensation. You can start on an arm. You don’t have to immediately dive towards genital contact.

Stay curious and allow each other into those intimate desire spaces, so you can keep growing and changing together as a team.

Watch the full training HERE.

Has your relationship lost its spark? Are you yearning for more connection? Take the Relationship Alchemy Assessment to discover where there is room for more joy and pleasure.